"Five Blind Men and an
Elephant" has appeared
in the following:
|Five Blind Men and an Elephant*
Episkopos of the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild
who ripped it off from the Hindus/Jainists
* From the non-existent Apocrypha Discordia,
unauthorized companion to the Principia Discordia
(We realize that, in the era of the very late 20th Century as this is being written, the title and
content of this story are politically incorrect. We apologize for any discomfort, but ask you to
remember that the original story was created long before political correctness, and is not intended
in any way to be offensive to elephants.)
One day five blind men, who knew nothing of elephants, went to examine one to find out what it
was. Reaching out randomly, each touched it in a different spot. One man touched the side, one an
ear, one a leg, one a tusk, and one the trunk. Each satisfied that he now knew the true nature of
the beast, they all sat down to discuss it.
“We now know that the elephant is like a wall,” said the one who touched the side. “The evidence
“I believe you are mistaken, sir," said the one who touched an ear. "The elephant is more like a large
“You are both wrong,” said the leg man. “The creature is obviously like a tree.”
“A tree?” questioned the tusk toucher. “How can you mistake a spear for a tree?”
“What?” said the trunk feeler. “A spear is long and round, but anyone knows it doesn’t move.
Couldn’t you feel the muscles? It’s definitely a type of snake! A blind man could see that!” said the
fifth blind man.
The argument grew more heated, and finally escalated into a battle, for each of the five had
followers. This became known as the Battle of the Five Armies (not to be mistaken for the one
described by that Tolkien fellow).
However, before they could totally destroy themselves, a blind, self-declared Discordian oracle
came along to see what all the fuss was about. While they were beating the crap out of each other,
she examined the elephant. But instead of stopping after one feel, Eristotle touched the whole thing,
including the tail, which felt like a rope. “It’s just a big animal with big sides, ears, feet, tusk teeth,
nose and a skinny tail,” she thought. “What a bunch of fools these guys are.”
Then Eristotle said, “Stop! I have discovered the truth. I know who is right.”
She being an oracle and all, they stopped and listened and said, “tell us!”
“I have examined the elephant with mine own two hands,” she said, “and I find that you are all
“How can this be?” they asked. “Can an elephant be a wall and a fan and a tree and a spear and a
snake?” And they were sorely confused.
Eristotle explained “the elephant is a great Tree, and on this tree grow leaves like great Fans to give
most wondrous shade and fan the breeze. And the branches of this tree are like Spears to protect it.
For this is the Tree of Creation and of Eternal Life, and the Great Serpent hangs still upon it.
“Unfortunately, it is hidden behind a great Wall, which is why it was not discovered until this very
day. It cannot be reached by normal means.
“However I, in my wisdom, have discovered a Most Holy Rope, by which the wall may be climbed.
And if one touches the tree in the proper manner which I alone know, you will gain Eternal Life.”
They all became highly interested in this, of course.
Eristotle then named an extremely high price for her services (Eternal Life doesn’t come cheap),
and made quite a bundle.
Moral: Anyone can lead blind men to an elephant, but a Discordian can charge admission.
In the true Discordian tradition, use this story for free--just please credit the author, Reverend
Loveshade. Otherwise you will be turned into a Chairman Mao button. (We think the sacred chao
and the pink elephant are copyright no one--if we're wrong let us know)
While not necessary, a link to our site would be really cool and might protect you from that button-
If you want to contact Reverend Loveshade, who writes like a mad person and performs cyber-
weddings and was in hiding for 23 + 5 months,send a message to es email listed at discordia.
The Tales of
As this site talks about different
religions, including both Wicca
and Discordianism, it's
interesting that we stumbled on
someone (oops! Sorry!) who
classifies Discordianism as a
part of Wicca!
This part right here is
Copyright © Tricia M. Smith
1997 - 2005, but TMS gave
permission to use this if we give
credit, don't sell it, and don't
*The Discordian or Erisian
movement is described as a
'Non- Prophet Irreligious
Disorganization and has
claimed 'The Erisian revelation
is not a complicated put-on
disguised as a new religion, but
a new religion disguised as a
complicated put-on. " It all
started with the *'Principia
Discordia, or How I Found the
Goddess and What I Did to Her
When I Found Her'*, a collection
of articles and ideas compiled
by Greg Hill (Malaclypse the
Young-er). The central theme is
'Chaos is every bit as important
*Humor is central to
Discordianism should not be
dismissed as a joke. Profound
accompany the practice or
Erisinaism. It is a perceptual
game, one which demonstrates
that the absurd is just as valid
as the mundane and chaos is
just as valid as order. It frees the
practitioner from the order
games (that most have forgotten
are games) to play games with
order or games with chaos, or
both. The effects of
Discordianism upon an
individual can be far reaching
and amazingly liberating.
In 2008, Pope Hilde and
Sister Hooter identified the
blind, unnamed Discordian
oracle in this story as
Eristotle. This version of the
story is the same as it has
appeared in various
volumes and websites,
except for the addition of
Eristotle's name. Anyone
who wants to post or publish
this story is asked to use
this version, unless you
really don't want to.
I, Reverend Loveshade,
approve this message
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