|* * * * *
The Lesser Order of the Cloved Lemon Kissers/
The Lesser Order of the Cloved Lemon
in Lesser Disorders
|by Princess Unicornia and Reverend Loveshade
|This article is released into the public domain.
The lemon photo is from the U. S. Government
and thus isn't copyrighted. The kiss image was
released to the public domain by its creator, as
specified in Wikipedia. (Did you notice the kiss is
The Tales of
|The Cloved Lemon
A Sacred Ritual of the Mythics of Harmonia
From Principia Harmonia, Et Cetera Discordia,
The Tales of Shamlicht
This holy ritual was discovered by members of the Society for Creative Anachronism, which
stubbornly insists it is not a division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild. (The SCA was founded on the
anniversary of the Bavarian Illuminati in 1966 in California, just one year after Principia Discordia
was first published in California, which sounds mighty suspicious to us). The ritual has five steps,
1. Someone, the Lemon Clover, inserts cloves into a fresh lemon (or some other fruit, in which
case this person is the Some Other Fruit Clover. But pucker-inducing lemons generally work best).
Making a pattern with the cloves is optional. Possible patterns include a heart, smiley face, the
number five, the Sacred Chao, or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It’s generally best to prepare the
lemon shortly before the game begins, although the cloved lemon can be refrigerated for a short
2. One person, the Giver, hands the cloved lemon to someone e would like to kiss, called the
Receiver. Usually this is done at a party or other get-together, except funerals. The game
generally happens while other things are going on, sometimes continuing through a whole party.
3. The Receiver then takes a clove out with es teeth to freshen es breath. If the Receiver doesn’t
like the taste of cloves, e may use es hand. If played in a hot tub, declare a non-breakable
container to be the Sacred Used Clove Receptacle. If played anywhere else, a clove may be
deposited wherever is appropriate, as swallowing cloves can be pretty nasty.
4. The Receiver indicates the body part the Giver may kiss by offering that body part to the Giver
and/or pointing to it. Usual locations are the hand, cheek, lips, open mouth/tongue. Unusual
locations are left to the imagination. However, the nature of the kiss should always be mutually
agreeable. The Giver should be gracious, even if the kiss is less intimate than e desired.
5. The Receiver now becomes the Giver, and goes to Step 2. This continues until your lemon runs
out of cloves (in which case you may either end the game or go to Step 1), or players run out of
body parts. (But body parts, unlike cloves, are reusable. And rekissible.)
|the cloved lemon kissing game could involve kisses on
the hand, kisses on the cheek, lip kisses, tongue
kissommg aka French kissing, or, well just about any kind
if kiss depending on the participants.