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Because you can
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HOLYDAYS: SEASON OF AFTERMATH
As ripped off from various sources
by Reverend Loveshade, Untroubled Teen, and Assorted Others
Episkopos and Sexetary and Others, respectively,
of the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild
and by Princess Unicornia and Friends
of the Mythics of Harmonia
Here's a short and convenient list of the Holydays of the Season of Aftermath, with full descriptions below.
These holydays are identified by source: DJ is Discordians for Jesus; ED is the Ek-sen-trik Discordians
(Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild); ECG is the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild; MH is the Mythics of
Harmonia; PD is Principia Discordia; O is Other.
October 24 (5 Aftermath): Maladay (PD)
November 16 (28 Aftermath): Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild Day (ECG)
November 24 (36 Aftermath): Spanking Fest (ED)
November 25 (37 Aftermath): 537 Day (ED), sometimes Turkey Day (O)
December 4 (46 Aftermath): Hug Day II (O)
December 8 (50 Aftermath): Afflux (PD)
December 25 (67 Aftermath): Santa Claus Day (O)/(ED)
December 30 (72 Aftermath): New Year's Eve Eve (ECG)
October 24 (5 Aftermath): Maladay (PD). Possible ways to recognize The Elder Malaclypse
include carrying around a sign that says “DUMB;” following anyone who’s wearing a pentagram
and, when they stop, demanding they tell you where the manger is; or asking merchants at a mall
where the late J. R. R. Tolkien is doing book signings. You could also ask how to get to the local
Beatles concert. This has nothing to do with Malaclypse, but could be really cool if someone
gives you actual directions.
November 16 (28 Aftermath): Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild Day (ECG). This is the anniversary of
the founding of Chapter One of the ECG, which was officially recognized and approved by a
California college Student Government Association on Monday, 16 November, 1981 (Setting
Orange, 28 Aftermath 3147). Within a year after its official recognition, it was honored as Most
Active New Club. Within that same year, both the Founding President and Co-Founding Vice
President created so much chaos and discord at the college they were threatened with formal
charges. Honor the ECG.
November 24 (36 Aftermath): Spanking Fest (ED). Do you like spanking? Do you like getting
spanked? Do you have friends and relatives who do too? Then today is your day to go for it.
Another day to go for it is August 25 (18 Bureaucracy).
November 25 (37 Aftermath): 537 Day (ED). This is the 5th season, 37th day. Contemplate the
number 537, Holy Number of Discordian Ek-sen-triks and Official Number of the ECG (who
celebrate it using the Gregorian calendar on the 5th month, 37th day). Consult your pineal gland
to try to discover the number’s true meaning. Or type the number “537” on your computer, then
stare at it while hanging upside down for five hours and thirty-seven minutes (Optional: remain
upright, and hold your computer monitor upside down for the same length of time). About once
every seven years in America, this is also known as Turkey Day (O).
December 4 (46 Aftermath): Hug Day II (O). See Hug Day on January 21/21 Chaos.
December 8 (50 Aftermath): Afflux (PD). Holyday of the Season of Aftermath. Thank
Goddess this is the last seasonal holyday we have to figure out something to do for. Thank
Goddess it’s getting toward the end of the year. Thank Goddess the aftermath of what you did
all year isn’t too bad. Well, not as bad as it could have been.
December 25 (67 Aftermath): Santa Claus Day (O)/(ED). Celebrate the Patron Saint of
Children. Honor the jolly old man who loves children, wears funny clothes, has no legal address,
holds boys and girls on his lap, urges them to share their desires with him, offers them a candy
cane, dreams of sliding down their chimneys, sneaks into their homes at night, watches them
when they’re in bed asleep, then gives them a package to unwrap. (This holiday is also known
as Christmas. It’s also known as Don’t You Think We’ve Gotten So Paranoid About This
Whole Protect Our Children Thing That We’re Actually Harming Them and Ourselves Day).
December 30 (72 Aftermath): New Year’s Eve Eve (ECG). Began with an actual ECG New
Year’s Eve Eve party in 1983 or 1984 that was written up in a pretty big newspaper (yes, this is
true). See if you can still be celebrating when New Year’s Eve comes around. See if you can still