The Tales of
|The Myth of Ichabod
(The Myth of Starbuck)
From Principia Discordia, First Edition
and Summa Universalia
|This story appears as "The Myth of Ichabod" in the once virtually
unfindable Principia Discordia, First Edition, and in the still
unfindable Summa Universalia. It is very closely related to
"Starbuck's Pebbles" found on page 54 of the easily findable
Principia Discordia, Fourth Edition. In a 1979 interview that
appeared in the afterword to the Loompanics Edition of the fourth
edition (is this confusing?), Greg Hill called this story "The Myth of
Starbuck." Hill regretted that it hadn't been used in the widely
available Principia. We are pleased to present it here.
Note that words that are listed in brackets, [ ], were difficult to read
in the copy of the first edition we stole, but are almost certainly
correct. Two Smagmoids and a Fnord to Rev. DrJon Swabey for
revealing this to us.
|There once was a huge boulder, perched precariously, on the edge of a cliff. For hundreds of
years this boulder was there, rocking and swaying, but always keeping its balance just perfectly.
But one year, there happened to be a sever windstorm; severe enough it was, to topple the
boulder from its majectic height and dash it to the bottom cf the cliff, far far below. Needless to
say, the boulder was smashed into many pieces. Where it hit, the ground was covered with a
carpet of pebbles--some small and some large--but pebbles and pebbles and more pebbles for
as far as you could walk in an hour.
One day, after all this, a young man by the name of Ichabod happened on the area. Being a
fellow of keen mind and observational powers, naturally he was quite astounded to see so many
stones scattered so closely on the ground. Now Ichabod was very much interested in the nature
of things, and he spent the whole afternoon looking at pebbles, and measuring the size of
pebbles, and feeling the weight of pebbles, and just pondering about pebbles in general.
He spent the night there, not wanting to lose this miraculous find, and awoke the next morning full
of enthusiasm. He spent many days on his carpet of stones.
Eventually he noticed a very strange thing. There were three rather large stones on the carpet
and they formed a triangle--almost (but not quite) equilateral. He was amazed. Looking further
he found four very white stones that were arranged in a lopsided square. Then he saw that by
disregarding one white stone and thinking of that grey stone a foot over instead, it was a perfect
square! And if you chose this stone, and that stone, and that one, and that one and that one
you have a pentagon as large as the triangle. And here a small hexagon. And there a square
partially inside of the hexagon. And a decagon. And two triangles inter-locked. And a circle.
And a smaller circle within the circle. And a triangle within that which has a red stone, a grey
stone and a white stone.
Ichabod spent many hours finding many designs that became more and more complicated as his
powers of observation grew with practice. Then he began to log his designs in a large leather
book; and as he counted designs and described them, the pages began to fill as the sun
continued to return.
He had begun his second ledger when a friend came by. His friend was a poet and also
interested in the nature of things.
"My friend," cried Ichabod, "come quickly! I have discovered the most wonderous thing in the
universe." The poet hurried over to him, quite anxious to see what it was.
Ichabod showed him the carpet of stones...but the poet only laughed and said "It's nothing but
"But look," said Ichabod, 'see this triangle and that [square] and that and that." And he
proceeded to show his friend the harvest of his many days study. When the poet saw the designs
he turned to the ledgers and by the time he was finished with these, he too was overwhelmed.
He began to write poetry about the marvelous designs. And as he wrote and contemplated he
became sure that the designs must mean something. Such order and beauty is too monumental
to be senseless. And the designs were there, Ichabod had showed him [that.]
The poet went back to the village and read his new poetry. And all who heard him went to the cliff
to see first hand the [carpet] of designs. And all returned to the village to spread the word. Then
as the enthusiasm grew there developed a group of those who love beauty and nature, all of
whom went to live right at the Designs themselves. Together they wanted to see every design
that was there.
Some wrote ledger about just triangles. Others described the circles. Others concentrated on
red colored stones--and they happened to be the first to see designs springing from outside the
carpet. They, and some others, saw designs everywhere they went.
"How blind we have been," they said.
The movement grew and grew and grew. And all who could see the designs knew that they had
to have been put there by a Great Force. "Nothing but a Great Force," said the philosophers,
"could create this immense beauty!"
"Yes," said the world, "nothing but a god could create such magnificent order. Nothing but a
And that was the day that God was born. And ever since then, all men have known Him for His
infinite power and all men have loved Him for His infinite wisdom.
- - - - -
Exerpted from a treatise concerning The Nature of Gods and The Eristesque Movement, to be
found in the SUMMA UNIVERSALIA, the Holy Work of MALACLYPSE (THE YOUNGER), K.C.,
Omniscient Polyfather of Virginity-in-gold, and High Priest of The Heretic Fringe and Protestant
Persuasion of the ERISIAN MOVEMENT of the DISCORDIAN SOCIETY ===== Hail Eris
Official Discordian Document #TD 1-1.2.2-4:11:64
|To keep us out of trouble, Rev. DrJon Swabey told
us to say this work is licensed under a
2.5 License. We wonder about this, but know
DrJon loves us, so we'll research it after we have
our hot chocolate and donuts.
|We made the spacey wallpaper, but you can use
it if you like. If you want to credit us, that would
be cool, but isn't required by law.