Smagmoid Kids Club Basics for Adults

Why should the followers of Discordia all be older teens or adults? Are there no
Catholic kids, or Buddhist babies, or Mormon minors, or Jewish juveniles, or Islamic
lovechildren? Of course there are! This is because it’s easy to indoctrinate children
when they’re impressionable and too young to realize what you’re up to. And
children are just as capable of creating discord as adults, as any parent or teacher
can tell you. For this purpose, the Smagmoid Kids Club was formed.

According to The Smagmoid Kids Club Handbook, Smagmoid Boys or "Moid Boys"
was formed on August 20, 2005 by Captain “Sesame Seed” Rogers, and Smagmoid
Girls or "Smag Girls" was started on September 4, 2005 by Sister Hooter. But Sister
Hooter, disciplinarian for Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception School for Unwed
Mothers, claimed the idea first. This is a claim that Captain “Sesame Seed” Rogers,
conductor of the Bonobo Boys Band in Boston, disputed. Fortunately, they agreed
to disagree, dropped the argument, and kissed and made up. (This is a good
example for kids of “harmonious discord.”) The girls’ and boys’ clubs merged on
October 3, 2007 (57 Bureaucracy 3173) to become the Smagmoid Kids Club.

To help you form a chapter in your community, here are some of the basics you need
to know. (For detailed information, consult The Smagmoid Kids Club Handbook,
which should be available from major bookstores or, if you’re cheap, at your local
children’s library. If it isn’t, start a protest and demand they order a copy or you’ll tell
The Agents of Greyface what books they read).

Membership: The club is open to all girls and boys of any gender who are between
the ages of X and Y.

Motto: The Motto of both Smagmoid Boys and Smagmoid Girls was “Be Protected
from Everything.” But upon the merger, the Motto became “Be Prepared for
Anything.” This proved to be much more useful. (And wasn’t as subject to
prosecution as keeping the kids locked in the closet all day had been.)

Purpose: “To prepare myself for a life filled with order and disorder and to live in a
spirit of love and harmonious discord.”

Greeting: This is the Bodyshake, which is fully described in both The Smagmoid
Kids Club Handbook and in Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht. Very
briefly, you touch feet with another member or leader, each form the 537 sign with
both hands and touch the other’s hands, then touch foreheads. Then you move
your hands and heads back and forth together while saying “Smagmoid Kids” five
times.

Mascot: The mascot of Smagmoid Girls was Smagina or "Gina," and Smagmoid
Boys had Moidenis or "Denis." So Smagmoid Kids has both.

Song: “Smagmoid Kids Club Song.”

Levels: There are five levels of membership, named after the five basic elements or
senses, which correspond to the five levels of maturity. In order from first to last,
these are Sweeters, Boomers, Pungers, Pricklers, and Setting Orangers.

Groups: Smagmoid Kids Club has five levels of groups. A Nest is the smallest, and
usually ranges from 5 to 10 members (called “nestlings”) with one or two leaders
(called “nestlers”). A Tree typically consists of 5 to 10 Nests with one or two leaders
and their assistants (called “leaders and their assistants”). A Grove generally
includes 5 to 10 Trees. A Forest includes all the Groves of a nation or group of
nations. All the Forests together make up the Smagmoid Kids Club. Note that Nests,
Trees, Groves, and Forests each make a name for themselves. Examples are “Nest
of the Black Lotus,” “Napping Birch Tree,” “Grove 537,” and “Forest Vatican.”

Merit Badges: There are a great number of merit badges a member can earn.
Some examples are Community Service, First Aid, Brain Surgery, Writing, Poetry,
Punning, Bicycling, Jockey, Jock Strap, Multiplication, Algebra, Training Bra, Estory,
Gymnastics, Knot Tying, Sewing, Wedgies, Science, Fnord, Music, Discord, Dancing,
Animal Husbandry, Animal Noises, Harbol Quest, Camping, Cooking, Chili Making,
Farting, Toilet Papering, Babysitting, Child Proofing, Child Photography, Puberty,
Origami, 1000 Blank White Cards, Swimming, Diving, Sink, Painting, Artillery, Scuba,
Fiber Arts, Underwater Basket Weaving, Jumping, Jakes, Calvin Ball, and Binky the
WonderSkull Posers. (Unfortunately, the club was forced to discontinue the merit
badges for Freeway Crossing, Axe Juggling, Wild Polar Bear Grooming, Chemistry
Meth Lab, and Weapons of Mass Destruction.)

Uniform: As the point of the club is preparing its members for a life of diversity,
having them all wear the same type of uniform seemed counter-productive.
Therefore, members can wear virtually any kind of uniform they want. Examples
include baseball, soccer, tennis, Cub Scout, Brownie, cosmonaut, cheerleader, super
hero, ballerina, cricket, belly dancer, Confederate soldier, Indian Guide, gymnast,
Bonobo Boys Band, choir robe, doctor, nurse, Our Lady of the Immaculate
Conception school uniform, swim team, Imperial Storm Trooper, and certified public
accountant. Feel free to combine parts of different uniforms to create your own (we
call this the “multiform.”)

So get hold of a copy of The Smagmoid Kids Club Handbook and start a chapter in
your community today!