Newton: Reverend Loveshade, while many of your fellow Discordians have praised you and your work, others
have called you an asshat; said
Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht isn't Discordian but is 'a
bunch of worthless made-up crap;' and even said the authorities should investigate you again, only this time
more thoroughly.  What do you say to that?

Loveshade: I think it's great.  The book hasn't even been published yet, and it's already controversial.  From
what people have seen of the book, we've gotten two main criticisms: one, that it's highly derivative, recycled
Discordian material; and two, that it is so different from what's been done it isn't even Discordian.  I love the
irony.  We actually use quotes from some of our detractors in the book.  If I thought
Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia:
The Tales of Shamlicht would be something all Discordians would look at and say, "Isn't that swell," I would
never have wasted my time on it.  We used Discordianism to support Personism, the belief that each person
should be treated and respected as an individual.  In some ways it's more a Personist work than a Discordian
one, but really it's both.  I hope people who don't even like Discordianism will read it--it's written for anyone
who's willing to be open minded.  I don't know what an asshat is, so maybe I am one.  But I certainly don't think
the book's worthless.  I'd buy it, if only to cover my ass--you never know when Sister Hooter is going to swat
you, do you, Captain Rogers?

Rogers (rubbing es bottom): No.

Loveshade: As for being investigated, I hope a lot of people thoroughly investigate our work.  Maybe someone
out there will actually get it.

Newton: Speaking of getting it, what's the real point of one of the book's most controversial tales, 'The Myth of
the Adulthood Fairy?'

Unicornia: You shouldn't be ageist. People shouldn't be judged by how old they are. Everyone's their own
person!

Yoshikyoko: We aren't helpless just because we're young! Kids are smart and need respect. Everybody
needs respect.  (Flying to the skull) Binky, would you like to kiss me?

Newton: Untroubled Teen, didn't you began your association with Reverend Loveshade as Troubled Preteen?

Untroubled: Yes.

Newton: Loveshade, some of your cohorts are or were teens and even preteens.  How did you explain that to
their parents?

Loveshade: I didn't--I never talked to the parents of The Mary; The Mary contacted me.  And I think Princess
Unicornia initiated es involvement, and then recruited Yoshikyoko, Nurita, Lorraine and several others.  The
parents of the ones who have very limited life experience know about our relationships, and support them.  And
if you had listened in on some of our conversations and didn't know our respective ages, you'd believe they
were the ones corrupting me.

Newton: Untroubled Teen, do your parents know about this?

Untroubled Teen: Hell no!

Newton: So Loveshade, how will you explain that to the police?

Loveshade: Hopefully we won't have to go through all that again.  A dozen or more agencies already
investigated us, including the FBI and the CIA (
Those are the American Federal Bureau of Investigation and
Central Intelligence Agency--Newton
).

Newton: What all was your group, which some feared was a dangerous cult, investigated for?

Loveshade: We are a dangerous cult!  We blow up cherished belief systems, and worse, challenge people to
think for themselves.  There's nothing more dangerous than that.  But somebody else will have to read the list
of charges--it's written on my butt.

TawTew the Naturally Perfumed: Let me read it, dear!

Unicornia: TawTew, it isn't written in Braille!

TawTew: Yes it is! (reading): 'Possession of marijuana, promotion of cocaine, obscenity, sexual predation and
interstate trafficking of underage prostitutes, promotion of child pornography, planning an escape from prison,
“blowing up buildings,” organized crime, computer hacking, conspiracy to lead the violent overthrow of a U. S.
state, consorting with terrorists, and terrorism.'

Newton: That's impressive.

Loveshade: Thank you.  I work hard on my gluts.

Newton: I meant the list is impressive, not your butt.

Loveshade: Oh.

Newton: Is any of it true?

Unicornia: I smoked bud!

Perlie: I like pornography!

TawTew: I'm obscene!

Loveshade: After a number of searches, three arrests, several interrogations, a polygraph test or two,
financial ruin for one of our associates, hundreds of thousands of dollars or more and a few years wasted time,
the FBI finally concluded we did nothing illegal--except for the one who got caught with cannabis, which I don't
think should be illegal on a free planet (inhales on pipe).  The rest were the result of an overzealous and
incompetent Jim Garrison wanna-be, our possessing records on things they didn't want us to know, our knowing
people they didn't want us to know, and the fact we wrote really convincing fiction.

Untroubled: It was the Elppin's fault!
This interview is copyright 2007 by Adam Newton.
We made the wallpaper, but you can use it for
whatever you like.
Adam Newton is a freelance writer and educator.  Newton has written for books,
magazines, newspapers, radio and television.  We're honored that e agreed to interview
many of the contributors to our we're-working-to-get-it-published book,
Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht.
PART 3
October 3
2007 CE
57 Bureaucracy
3173 YOLD
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UPDATE:

According to a
now-former
government
investigator, the total
expense of all the
agencies involved is
likely much higher than
we originally thought.  
What a waste of
taxpayer money.