Who the Hell is E?
by Reverend Loveshade
Episkopos of the
Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild
Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht often uses the word 'e' as a substitute for
'he' or 'she.'  This can be thought to represent 'e' for Eris; 'e' for ek-sen-trik; or simply as a
genderless, non-sexist alternative (after all, Discordianism promoted a Goddess instead of a
God, which was blasphemy when it began in America in the late 1950s).  Think of it as you
will.

The term was invented in the early 1970s, just before the height of the Woman's Movement
in the West, by Gamemaster Loveshade while a teenager in high school.  The Gamemaster
noticed that the first question asked about a newborn baby isn't, 'Did everything come out all
right?' but 'Is it a boy or a girl?'  It*s very difficult to even talk about someone without knowing
his/her/its gender, which becomes even more difficult if that someone is transsexual or
hermaphroditic, or instead of the female XX or male XY chromosomes has X, XXX, XXY, XYY,
XXXY or some other combination.  The term was largely lost, but we found it.  Now we*ll tell
you how you can use it in your writings and conversations to freak out Greyfaces.

    e (pronounced the same as letter 'e;' rhymes with 'she' and 'he'):  Used instead of
    'she' or 'he.'  A person.  Example: E went to the store and bought a pineapple.

    es (rhymes with 'his,' or, if you like, with 'eez'):  Used instead of 'her' or 'his' as a
    possessor or agent.  Example: On the way home, some enemies tried to steal es
    pineapple.

    es (as above): Substitute for 'his' or 'hers' for that which belongs to him or her.  
    Example: Who were these foes of es?

    em (rhymes with 'him' or 'm'):  Substitute for 'her' or 'him;' pronoun objective case.  
    Example: They were The Agents of Greyface.  When they tried to take es pineapple
    from em, e hit them with five tons of flax.

    emself (rhymes with 'himself,' or with the letter 'm' and 'self'):  Substitute for herself or
    himself; used reflexively, in absolute constructions and for emphasis.  Examples: Did e
    throw the five tons all by emself?  No, fool, e didn*t do it emself; e had help from a
    strong head wind.

You can also use e in abbreviations, just like he or she.  These include e's for 'e is' or 'e
has,' which rhymes with 'she's' and 'he's'; e'd for 'e had' or 'e would,' which rhymes with
'she'd' and *he'd'; 'e'll' for 'e will' or he shall,' which rhymes with 'she'll' and he'll;' etc.  (You
can still use 'he' or 'she' and variations when it's important to specify gender.)
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es (rhymes with 'his,' or,
if you like, with 'eez'):  
Used instead of 'her' or
'his' as a possessor or
agent.

Example: On the way
home, some enemies
tried to steal es
pineapple.
e (pronounced the same
as letter 'e;' rhymes with
'she' and 'he'):  Used
instead of 'she' or 'he.'  A
person.

Example: E went to the
store and bought a
pineapple.
em (rhymes with 'him' or
'm'):  Substitute for 'her'
or 'him;' pronoun
objective case.

Example: They were The
Agents of Greyface.  
When they tried to take
es pineapple from em, e
hit them with five tons of
flax.
emself (rhymes with
'himself,' or with the letter
'm' and 'self'):  Substitute
for herself or himself;
used reflexively, in
absolute constructions
and for emphasis.

Examples: Did e throw
the five tons all by
emself?  No, fool, e didn*t
do it emself; e had help
from a strong head wind.
es (as above): Substitute
for 'his' or 'hers' for that
which belongs to him or
her.

Example: Who were
these foes of es?
Ek-sen-trik-kuh
Discordia:
The Tales of
S
hamlicht