 |
| Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht |
| From the non-existent Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht, still-to-be born by-product of an orgy involving Reverend Loveshade, various Ek-sen-trik Discordians, a Goddess substitute, and 5 gallons of whipped cream |
| This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 License. |
| The Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild wholeheartedly accepts the descriptions of the Five Apostles of Eris of both Malaclypse the Younger and Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst as being equally and completely wrong. Here is the True Description of the Five Star Saints. 1. HUNG MUNG: No disagreement here. 2. DR. VAN VAN MOJO or PANTAMUNZO LINGANADA: No disagreement here either. 3. SRI SYADASTI SYADAVAKTAVYA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADASTI CAVAKTAVYASCA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVATAVYASCA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVAKTAVYASCA or BLESSED ST. GULIK THE STONED: Here, we disagree. We Ek-sen- trik Discordians know that the true Third Five Star Saint is FEARLESS FRED, Rider of the Galactic Moped (rumoured to be the Fastest Craft in the Universe, which allows Fred to get high and take lots of trips), continually in-and-out going President of the Planet Ek-sen-trik-kuh, and Defender of the Universe. However, as FF delivers critically important and urgent messages throughout the heavens very, very quickly (when not distracted by a beautiful maiden in distress or a yard sale), this Saint may be the same person as Mercury/Hermes. And as St. Gulik the Stoned may be the same person as Hermes/Mercury, we really don’t disagree after all. Nevermind. 4. ZARATHUD THE INCORRIGIBLE or ZARATHUD THE STAUNCH: We agree this is the Fourth Five Star Saint, but think Zarathud is actually a woman. Or maybe it’s SRI SYADASTI who’s actually a woman, at least in some sense. 5. THE ELDER MALACLYPSE: We suspect this Wandering Wise Guy is actually the lovechild of Sears catalog copy writer Gypsie Scripto and Malaclypse the Younger, produced while Mal-2 was in unicorn form (Gypsie was a born again virgin). Mal-1 may have been conceived while both of the future saint’s parents were dropping mescaline in 1969 in a San Francisco, California, Post Office Box. Or maybe conception happened in 1963 in a book depository in Dallas, Texas. We aren’t sure. In any case, as a young child Mal-1 apparently got caught in a temporal vortex generated somewhere in New Mexico in July of 1945 while pretending to read J. R. R. Tolkien’s lost manuscript, “The Five Blind Men and Their Armies Attack Canada.” As a result, Mal-1 ended up in Middle Earth. This explains why this Saint often got confused. |
| as interpreted by the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild |
| The Five Star Saints |