| A sample Snooze Letter of the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild |
| Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild Snooze Letter March 2006 (funnier version--see the shorter version at discordia.loveshade.org/xtra/snooze0603s.html) |
| “The Something’s Fishy Issue” (as produced for your enjoyment by the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild, or D & D of the ECG) discordia.loveshade.org |
| DISCORDIAN WEDDING? (Somebody’s getting married!) We aren’t yet at liberty to say who, but one of our members/associates is planning to get married! Even better, e wants a real Discordian wedding! This leaves us with a dilemma--is there such a thing as a real Discordian wedding? While it’s true that Reverend Loveshade has performed Discordian nuptials before, they were jokes. And the Rev. has also done real weddings, but they weren’t Discordian. So anyone who has ideas is welcome to send them to us! While we are quite familiar with traditional Western (i.e. American) weddings, we could use information on Eastern weddings, Pagan hand-fastenings, and any Ek-sen-trik and/or Discordian ideas you might have. Please send these to our email address, listed below. In a completely unrelated note, the entire transcript of the Discordian Wedding of The Mary, Apparently_A_Pseudonym, Danacasso, and Razmear may be appearing on our site soon, we hope. Question of the Month: What does a Bride traditionally bring to the Honeymoon that smells like fish? FLOUNDER FINDS FOUNDER? After being missing for months, the figure known as Paganus Grimlove the Uncanonized has exposed emself! (i.e., returned). For those who don’t know, Paganus has possessed the Sacred Relic known as “The Duck,” is a well-known archer in the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism, the medieval branch of the ECG--OK, not really), and allegedly knows Fearless Fred, rider of the Galactic Moped and President of the planet Ek-sen-trik-kuh, from which we get our name. Paganus is also allegedly the same person as “Zeus,” the Founding President of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild. (Personally we doubt this claim, as Paganus is a 5th Century Celt, and the original ECG was formed in 0 A.D., i.e. the Year of the Cat.) But in any case, Paganus is a very important and creative male member, and we’re glad e’s back! WHO’S WHO IN UNCYCLOPEDIA For those of you who aren’t well read, www.uncyclopedia.org is a take-off of www. wikipedia.org. Whereas the Wikipedia allows anyone to post and edit articles about anything, the Uncyclopedia allows anyone to post and edit articles about anything also. But unlike this snooze letter, they’re supposed to be funny. Apparently somebody has been having too much fun. You might want to check out the new article www.uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Reverend_Loveshade. Note that articles on that site can be edited or deleted at any time without warning, so we don’t even know what it looks like right now. But last time we visited, it was pretty funny (meaning wildly inaccurate) and was a boast to Reverend Loveshade’s ego, which is already as inflated as a 50 kilogram puffer fish. (Any reports on who might have written it would be welcome). Note also that, at last count, Reverend Loveshade’s name was inserted into 23 Uncyclopedia articles. Now we wonder: who did that? SMELLS LIKE FISH Since it began on Mid Year’s Day of 2005/3171 (2 July 2005), our site has described the fish that appears just below the Sacred Chao on Saint The Mary’s belly as a betta fish. We had thought it was a female betta. We were wrong. The Patron Saint of Bearers of Erisian Tattoos informed us that the fish is in fact a Fundulopanchax gardneri misaje, which is a type of killifish. Our response, in a word, was, “ARRRRGGGG!” (That’s Charlie Brown for Homer Simpson’s “Do’h!”) With the possible exception of old Snooze Letters, all the references on our site have now been corrected except for one. The poem about Saint The Mary will remain as is. This is primarily because the line “She longed instead to master killifish” simply doesn’ t have the impact of “She longed instead to master bettas.” And e did, in fact, breed betta fish, so there. NEW MU CHAO No, this isn’t a reference to Prince Mu-Chao (although this sentence is). To reward us for our work in correcting the name of es fish, Saint The Mary sent us an improved photo of the Sacred Chao with killifish that appears on es person between es upper and lower naughty bits. The previous image of the Sacred Chao with killifish had been blown up from a photo in which the image was relatively small. You can see the improved version on the front page of our site, discordia.loveshade.org. COMING HOLYDAYS (for more and funnier details, see discordia.loveshade.org/ek-sen-trik-kuh/holydays.html) March 10 (69 Chaos): Head Chicken/Chicken Head Day (DD) Good day for “head” games.... March 19 (5 Discord): Mojoday (PD) (or Lingananday) Honor whichever Second of the Five Star Saints you prefer. April 1 (18 Discord): April Fool’s Day (O). Fool friends for fun. Fool enemies for fun. Fool yourself for even more fun. April 2 (19 Discord): St John the Blasphemist Day (DD). Commit blasphemy against Goddess Discordia! (And see and maybe join and post to the site belong to St. John and friends at groups.yahoo.com/groups/illuminatusinnersanctum) April 6 (23 Discord): Jake Day (O). Get a group of people to contact a business or government agency about silly or nonexistent concerns. (Please don’t repeat our 2002 Jake, which was the silly claim that “Weapons of Mass Destruction” were being built in Iraq). This holyday is part of Operation Mindfuck. PROPOSED HOLYDAYS Member Anus Familiarus (are you familiar with Anus Familiarus?) has proposed Love Your Pet Day. This is already celebrated by some people on February 20, so do we want to make it one of our own holydays? We are building the Animal Sex series (see below) for the Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia, and of course we have lots of references to animals, including The Mary’s killifish, the 537 Bonobo Illuminated Apes of Nowhen, the Crow that Says Smagmoid, etc. And we can’t help noticing that there could be more than one interpretation of “pet loving.” But it’s your decision--let us know what you think! Also note we’re still taking votes until the end of Marcy (aka March) on the proposed Underwear Day holyday of August 10. Send your opinions for either or both of these to our email below. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUIT DAY! One of our esteemed members and contributors Princess Unicornia is celebrating es 18th birthday! Does this mean we’ll get to see the Princess’ birthday suit? (Don’t blame us for that previous sentence--Unicornia asked us to put that in, the silly nudist.) In any case, we hereby give the celebrant a birthday bottom slap with a wet killifish. You can contact the princess at xxxxx@xxxxx.xxx. (If you want us to mention your birthday, anniversary, graduation, menstrual period, etc. in a future Snooze Letter, let us know at least five weeks ahead of time so we can get it in, oh baby oh baby). IS ANIMAL SEX AGAINST THE LAW OF FIVES? Dr. Sinister Craven, Professor Emeritus of Miskatonic University, has graced our site with another informative article. This is “Animal Sex Lesson Two: Six-Legged Sex and Violence.” Learn about the ants and the bees, and the praying mantises. Is six- legged sex right for you? Reverend Loveshade has told us to “Stop in the Name of the Law of Fives!” Learn about the Discordian Law of Fives, and why Discordians should ignore it. More Sex: We are looking for more articles for the Animal Sex series. See Dr. Craven’s article, and Dr. Octopussy’s article “The Tale of the Lemming” for some excellent examples (notice they are factual, well-written, and short). Specifically, we would like to know a bit about betta and/or killifish and other fish (we had heard that sharks always mate through rape, but haven’t been able to confirm that. Anybody know a fish or other lifeform that does?) The Rev. is working on an article about primates (monkeys, apes and the like) and about the “Naked Ape,” Homo sapiens sapiens, but other animal articles are open territory. And of course we’re open to seeing non-copyrighted writings and illuminations/illustrations of an Ek-sen-trik and or Discordian nature, so sent them to us at the email listed below! (See our site for details on how to submit). This Snooze Letter is an oaficious document of the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen- triks CluborGuild, and is brought to you by Saint The Mary’s killifish. It’s not copyrighted simply because copyrighting something we ripped off seemed fishy. You are receiving this because you contacted us, sent us something, asked to be included on our emailing list, or have something that smells like fish. If you don’t want to receive future Snooze Letters, simply send an email to xxxxx@xxxxx.xxx with the subject Unsubscribe and an appropriate note (we recommend B flat). As we change our emailing list by hand and don’t rely on bots, it might take us a couple days or so to get your name off the list, so please be patient. If you know someone who wants to be added to our emailing list, have them send an email to us at the same address, xxxxx@xxxxx.xxx, with the heading Add Me and an appropriate message. If you want to contribute to our site or a future snooze letter, send us an email to xxxxx@xxxxx.xxx. Put something in the subject so we know it’s real email and not spam (something about Discordia/Eris, killifish, Sacred Chao, ECG, etc., you get the idea). Thank you and have a day! |
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