|A sample Snooze Letter of
the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild
|Discordian Division of the
(funnier version--see the shorter version at
|“The Something’s Fishy Issue”
(as produced for your enjoyment by the
Discordian Division of the
D & D of the ECG)
(Somebody’s getting married!)
We aren’t yet at liberty to say who, but one of our members/associates is planning to
get married! Even better, e wants a real Discordian wedding! This leaves us with a
dilemma--is there such a thing as a real Discordian wedding? While it’s true that
Reverend Loveshade has performed Discordian nuptials before, they were jokes.
And the Rev. has also done real weddings, but they weren’t Discordian.
So anyone who has ideas is welcome to send them to us! While we are quite familiar
with traditional Western (i.e. American) weddings, we could use information on
Eastern weddings, Pagan hand-fastenings, and any Ek-sen-trik and/or Discordian
ideas you might have. Please send these to our email address, listed below.
In a completely unrelated note, the entire transcript of the Discordian Wedding of
The Mary, Apparently_A_Pseudonym, Danacasso, and Razmear may be appearing
on our site soon, we hope.
Question of the Month: What does a Bride traditionally bring to the Honeymoon that
smells like fish?
FLOUNDER FINDS FOUNDER?
After being missing for months, the figure known as Paganus Grimlove the
Uncanonized has exposed emself! (i.e., returned). For those who don’t know,
Paganus has possessed the Sacred Relic known as “The Duck,” is a well-known
archer in the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism, the medieval branch of the
ECG--OK, not really), and allegedly knows Fearless Fred, rider of the Galactic
Moped and President of the planet Ek-sen-trik-kuh, from which we get our name.
Paganus is also allegedly the same person as “Zeus,” the Founding President of the
Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild. (Personally we doubt this claim, as Paganus is a 5th
Century Celt, and the original ECG was formed in 0 A.D., i.e. the Year of the Cat.)
But in any case, Paganus is a very important and creative male member, and we’re
glad e’s back!
WHO’S WHO IN UNCYCLOPEDIA
For those of you who aren’t well read, www.uncyclopedia.org is a take-off of www.
wikipedia.org. Whereas the Wikipedia allows anyone to post and edit articles about
anything, the Uncyclopedia allows anyone to post and edit articles about anything
also. But unlike this snooze letter, they’re supposed to be funny.
Apparently somebody has been having too much fun. You might want to check out
the new article www.uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Reverend_Loveshade. Note that articles
on that site can be edited or deleted at any time without warning, so we don’t even
know what it looks like right now. But last time we visited, it was pretty funny
(meaning wildly inaccurate) and was a boast to Reverend Loveshade’s ego, which is
already as inflated as a 50 kilogram puffer fish. (Any reports on who might have
written it would be welcome).
Note also that, at last count, Reverend Loveshade’s name was inserted into 23
Uncyclopedia articles. Now we wonder: who did that?
SMELLS LIKE FISH
Since it began on Mid Year’s Day of 2005/3171 (2 July 2005), our site has described
the fish that appears just below the Sacred Chao on Saint The Mary’s belly as a
betta fish. We had thought it was a female betta. We were wrong. The Patron Saint
of Bearers of Erisian Tattoos informed us that the fish is in fact a Fundulopanchax
gardneri misaje, which is a type of killifish. Our response, in a word, was,
“ARRRRGGGG!” (That’s Charlie Brown for Homer Simpson’s “Do’h!”) With the
possible exception of old Snooze Letters, all the references on our site have now
been corrected except for one. The poem about Saint The Mary will remain as is.
This is primarily because the line “She longed instead to master killifish” simply doesn’
t have the impact of “She longed instead to master bettas.” And e did, in fact, breed
betta fish, so there.
NEW MU CHAO
No, this isn’t a reference to Prince Mu-Chao (although this sentence is). To reward
us for our work in correcting the name of es fish, Saint The Mary sent us an improved
photo of the Sacred Chao with killifish that appears on es person between es upper
and lower naughty bits. The previous image of the Sacred Chao with killifish had
been blown up from a photo in which the image was relatively small. You can see the
improved version on the front page of our site, discordia.loveshade.org.
(for more and funnier details, see
March 10 (69 Chaos): Head Chicken/Chicken Head Day (DD) Good day for “head”
March 19 (5 Discord): Mojoday (PD) (or Lingananday) Honor whichever Second of
the Five Star Saints you prefer.
April 1 (18 Discord): April Fool’s Day (O). Fool friends for fun. Fool enemies for
fun. Fool yourself for even more fun.
April 2 (19 Discord): St John the Blasphemist Day (DD). Commit blasphemy against
Goddess Discordia! (And see and maybe join and post to the site belong to St. John
and friends at groups.yahoo.com/groups/illuminatusinnersanctum)
April 6 (23 Discord): Jake Day (O). Get a group of people to contact a business or
government agency about silly or nonexistent concerns. (Please don’t repeat our
2002 Jake, which was the silly claim that “Weapons of Mass Destruction” were being
built in Iraq). This holyday is part of Operation Mindfuck.
Member Anus Familiarus (are you familiar with Anus Familiarus?) has proposed Love
Your Pet Day. This is already celebrated by some people on February 20, so do we
want to make it one of our own holydays? We are building the Animal Sex series
(see below) for the Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia, and of course we have lots of
references to animals, including The Mary’s killifish, the 537 Bonobo Illuminated
Apes of Nowhen, the Crow that Says Smagmoid, etc. And we can’t help noticing that
there could be more than one interpretation of “pet loving.” But it’s your decision--let
us know what you think!
Also note we’re still taking votes until the end of Marcy (aka March) on the proposed
Underwear Day holyday of August 10.
Send your opinions for either or both of these to our email below.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUIT DAY!
One of our esteemed members and contributors Princess Unicornia is celebrating es
18th birthday! Does this mean we’ll get to see the Princess’ birthday suit? (Don’t
blame us for that previous sentence--Unicornia asked us to put that in, the silly
nudist.) In any case, we hereby give the celebrant a birthday bottom slap with a wet
killifish. You can contact the princess at firstname.lastname@example.org.
(If you want us to mention your birthday, anniversary, graduation, menstrual period,
etc. in a future Snooze Letter, let us know at least five weeks ahead of time so we
can get it in, oh baby oh baby).
IS ANIMAL SEX AGAINST THE LAW OF FIVES?
Dr. Sinister Craven, Professor Emeritus of Miskatonic University, has graced our site
with another informative article. This is “Animal Sex Lesson Two: Six-Legged Sex
and Violence.” Learn about the ants and the bees, and the praying mantises. Is six-
legged sex right for you?
Reverend Loveshade has told us to “Stop in the Name of the Law of Fives!” Learn
about the Discordian Law of Fives, and why Discordians should ignore it.
More Sex: We are looking for more articles for the Animal Sex series. See Dr.
Craven’s article, and Dr. Octopussy’s article “The Tale of the Lemming” for some
excellent examples (notice they are factual, well-written, and short). Specifically, we
would like to know a bit about betta and/or killifish and other fish (we had heard that
sharks always mate through rape, but haven’t been able to confirm that. Anybody
know a fish or other lifeform that does?) The Rev. is working on an article about
primates (monkeys, apes and the like) and about the “Naked Ape,” Homo sapiens
sapiens, but other animal articles are open territory.
And of course we’re open to seeing non-copyrighted writings and
illuminations/illustrations of an Ek-sen-trik and or Discordian nature, so sent them to
us at the email listed below! (See our site for details on how to submit).
This Snooze Letter is an oaficious document of the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-
triks CluborGuild, and is brought to you by Saint The Mary’s killifish. It’s not
copyrighted simply because copyrighting something we ripped off seemed fishy.
You are receiving this because you contacted us, sent us something, asked to be
included on our emailing list, or have something that smells like fish. If you don’t want
to receive future Snooze Letters, simply send an email to email@example.com with the
subject Unsubscribe and an appropriate note (we recommend B flat). As we change
our emailing list by hand and don’t rely on bots, it might take us a couple days or so
to get your name off the list, so please be patient.
If you know someone who wants to be added to our emailing list, have them send an
email to us at the same address, firstname.lastname@example.org, with the heading Add Me and an
If you want to contribute to our site or a future snooze letter, send us an email to
email@example.com. Put something in the subject so we know it’s real email and not
spam (something about Discordia/Eris, killifish, Sacred Chao, ECG, etc., you get the
idea). Thank you and have a day!
|To see our current email addresses,
check our Home Page