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Now here’s the stuff we told you would be at the bottom of this article!
Captain “Sesame Seed” Rogers made Shamlicht Boys or "Sham Boys" on August 20,
2005. Captain is the leader of the Bonobo Boys Band of Boston, which plays really
cool music! They’re a great band you should hear them! And the Captain is great!
He only spanks the boys if they’re naughty.
Sister Hooter made Shamlicht Girls or "Sham Girls" on September 4, 2005. Sister is
the disciplinarian for Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception School for Unwed
Mothers. Those are big words aren’t they? It just means the Sister spanks naughty
girls. But if you’re good Sister Hooter is really nice and lets you do lots of fun things!
But the captain and the sister had a problem. They both said they thought of their
club first! They argued about it which was sad! But guess what? They kissed and
made up! This is called “harmonious discord.” You’ll learn more about that later--it’s
fun! So the girls’ and boys’ clubs got together and made one really cool club! This
happened on October 3, 2007. On Discordia’s calendar, that’s 57 Bureaucracy
3173. This club is the Shamlicht Kids Club!
Hey kids! Are you jealous of the other children? We mean the ones who have a
religion club. Just because you believe in Goddess Discordia should you be left
out? Well, now you aren’t! We have a great club for you called Shamlicht Kids Club!
The club was made by Sister Hooter and Captain “Sesame Seed” Rogers. That’s
us! Captain made Shamlicht Boys, and Sister made Shamlicht Girls. But we thought
it would be more fun to let everybody get together. So we made Shamlicht Kids Club!
You can learn more about how it was made at the end of this article. Or you can see
The Shamlicht Kids Club Handbook. It’s a really cool book that tells you lots of fun
things! Ask an adult to buy it for you. Ask the one who buys you the most stuff. If
they won’t get it, then look for it in your library. If your library doesn’t have it then act
sad until somebody gets it for you. Have all your Discordian friends act sad too!
But now let’s learn more about this fun club! We’ll answer some questions you might
CAN I JOIN THE CLUB? You can if you’re old enough and you get permission! Are
you at least X years old? Are you age Y or younger? If you are, then you’re old
enough! If you’re younger than X you might have to wait a while. And if you’re older
than Y you’re old enough to be an assistant leader or even a leader! Read
Shamlicht Kids Club Basics (adults).
WHAT’S THE CLUB’S MOTTO? It’s “Be Prepared for Anything.” Isn’t that better
than “Be Protected from Everything?” It gets boring being locked in the closet all day!
WHAT’S THE PURPOSE? “To prepare myself for a life filled with order and disorder
and to live in a spirit of love and harmonious discord.” That means be prepared for
anything, love people, and have fun!
HOW DO CLUB MEMBERS SAY HELLO? We do this really fun thing called The
Bodyshake! You can read more about it in The Shamlicht Kids Club Handbook.
What you do is you touch the feet of another member or a leader with your feet.
Then you make the 537 sign. You do this with both hands. You might already know
how to make it! If you don’t, read The Shamlicht Kids Club Handbook or ask
somebody who’s older. You touch the hands of the person you’re saying hello to
with your hands. Then you both put your foreheads together. Then you both move
your hands and heads back and forth together while saying “Shamlicht Kids” five
times. Isn’t that a fun way to say hello? If you don’t understand the directions, don’t
worry. We’ll show you!
WHO’S THE MASCOT? We have two! The mascot of Shamlicht Girls was Shamina
or "Mina," and Shamlicht Boys had Shamenis or "Menis." So Shamlicht Kids has both!
WHAT’S THE CLUB SONG? “Shamlicht Kids Club Song.”
HOW MANY LEVELS ARE THERE? Our club has five different levels. They’re
named after the five basic elements. Do you know the five basic elements? If you
don’t, read The Shamlicht Kids Club Handbook or ask a parent or teacher. The
levels are Sweeters, Boomers, Pungers, Pricklers, and Setters. You’ll learn more
about these in the club!
DOES THE CLUB HAVE DIFFERENT GROUPS? Yes we do! Shamlicht Kids Club
has five levels of groups. Everybody is in a Nest, which has only 5 to 10 kids called
nestlings! Your leaders are called nestlers. We have lots of cool names!
Then a Tree has about 5 to 10 Nests, and a Grove has about 5 to 10 Trees. It gets
bigger and bigger! Then a Forest is all the Trees in a country or group of countries.
All the Forests together make Shamlicht Kids Club. But don’t worry about figuring all
that out yet! Usually you’ll just be with your Nest and other Nests in your Tree.
Each group has its own name too! Here’s just a few. “Nest of the Black Lotus,”
“Napping Birch Tree,” “Grove 537,” and “Forest Vatican.”
CAN I EARN MERIT BADGES? You bet! There are a lot of merit badges a member
can earn. Here’s some you might earn some day! And we have even more than
these! Community Service, First Aid, Brain Surgery, Writing, Poetry, Punning,
Bicycling, Jockey, Jock Strap, Multiplication, Algebra, Training Bra, Estory,
Gymnastics, Knot Tying, Sewing, Wedgies, Science, Fnord, Music, Discord, Dancing,
Animal Husbandry, Animal Noises, Harbol Quest, Camping, Cooking, Chili Making,
Tooting, Toilet Papering, Babysitting, Child Proofing, Child Photography, Puberty,
Origami, 1000 Blank White Cards, Swimming, Diving, Sink, Painting, Artillery, Scuba,
Fiber Arts, Underwater Basket Weaving, Jumping, Jakes, Calvinball, and Binky the
WonderSkull Posers. (We’re sorry, but some merit badges we can’t have any more.
These are Freeway Crossing, Axe Juggling, Wild Polar Bear Grooming, Chemistry
Meth Lab, and Weapons of Mass Destruction.)
DO SHAMLICHT KIDS WEAR UNIFORMS? Yes, but ours are really cool! Do you
know why they’re so cool? Because you can choose your own uniform! We want
everybody to be themselves and be friends with kid who are different. Here’s just
some of the uniforms you can wear:
baseball, soccer, tennis, Cub Scout, Brownie, cosmonaut, cheerleader, super hero,
ballerina, cricket, belly dancer, Confederate soldier, Indian Guide, gymnast, Bonobo
Boys Band, choir robe, doctor, nurse, Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception school
uniform, swim team, Imperial Storm Trooper, and certified public accountant. You
can even put parts of different uniforms together to make your own! (This is called
So get hold of a copy of The Shamlicht Kids Club Handbook and talk somebody into
starting a chapter in your community today!
|by Reverend Loveshade
in consultation with
Captain “Sesame Seed” Rogers
Founders of Shamlicht Kids Club